What sort of partner are you? What sort of partner do you want to be? Is there a big difference between the sort of partner you want to be and the way you are acting right now? Questions are just tools to help you dig deeper to find the type of relationship you desire, starting with you!
The truth is love relationships can be both magical and messy. Relationships can give us the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows, take our breath away or be absolutely dreadful. Popular myths about romantic relationships set us up for the struggle. Most people have the feeling that relationships should be easy. Couples find themselves saying or thinking, “This is all too difficult. It shouldn’t be this hard!”
“When we choose to love, we chose to move against fear, against alienation and separation. The choice to love is a choice to connect, to find ourselves in the other.” Bell Hooks
Many relationships do start off wonderful but the simple fact is that feelings change. Partners may have gotten hooked on the good feelings and expect that they will last forever. Early pleasures become common placed, boring and unsatisfying. Over time, the very differences that attracted the beloved become the things they want to change in the other. None of us want to be fixed in the name of love. The desire to fix and change another person doesn’t work and is often the source of great conflict.
A relationship does not have to be in bad shape to seek outside help and support. If the relationship is in bad shape it is still a good idea to seek professional counseling. Couples sometime give up far too easily something that could turn around. There are two kinds of changes that you can make to improve a relationship: increase pleasure or decrease pain. The latter is easier and more effective. Most people find it easier to do more of something their partner likes than to stop doing something their partner hates. I can’t fix your partner but I can provide tools that you can try to help your relationship thrive. For more on information how we can work together, call 314-308-0627 or contact me online at www.bellinnerwellcounseling.com